#brain is saying “new killer track” or something involving record labels

[gala-xyzz]

if i turned the ceo into a fic what would the title be

[doomedandstoned]

The End Is Nigh: A Conversation With OFFICIUM TRISTE Frontman Pim Blankenstein

~By Shawn Gibson~

I was first introduced to OFFICIUM TRISTE when Mors Viri came out in 2013 and I have been a fan ever since! At the time, I had a radio show and got an email from HammerHeart Records with promo and played some songs off of that album.

The Dutch band's music has also pushed me through tough times, mentally and emotionally. There is sadness in their songs, as there is great beauty. Each song has its own dynamic sound with piano, organs, violins, cellos, etc. Officium Triste's albums are heavy as mountains, but have parts within that soar like eagles!

Recently, I had the privilege of longtime singer Pim Blankenstein, who has been with the band since 1994.

Mors Viri by Officium Triste

Officium Triste has been making music since 1994! How does that feel to be with this band now and the current state of affairs?

It feels as exciting as it was when we started out. Of course, a lot has changed in 25 years, but for us as a band our values are still the same. We love slow, heavy and melodic music and we still write this kind of music. Over the years we of course have grown as a band and you keep learning. After the last couple of line-up changes I totally feel this is the best line-up we've had. We're all on the same page and actually things couldn't be better.

What does the name Officium Triste mean?

If you put it in Google translate, it says it means the baleful. Back when we started out our then guitarist Johan Kwakernaak came up with the name, which he got from a Latin dictionary. The combination of words means something like a "sad gathering," such as a funeral.

You are from the Netherlands right? What are some other bands from the Netherlands you guys love?

Yeah, we are from the Netherlands and when we started out there were quite some doom bands we dug like early The Gathering, Celestial Season, Castle or Beyond Belief. Having said that, the doom scene never was that big but we always had killer bands. Just think of Deinonychus or newer acts like Facade, Treurwilg or Beyond Our Ruins.

In other genres we have (and had) great bands, too. Death metal was especially huge. Pestilence, Pentacle, Asphyx, Sinister, Thanatos, Severe Torture, Bodyfarm, Gorefest. I could go on and on. Bottomline is that the Dutch scene always has been and still is great. We know quite a lot of bands personally and we get along real fine.

We are all Doomed! Are you Stoned?

Nope. Used to smoke a lot. Not anymore though. But that doesn't change the fact we indeed are doomed!

The Death of Gaia (Atmospheric Death/Doom Metal) by OFFICIUM TRISTE (Netherlands)

Your latest album 'The Death Of Gaia' came out December 13 2019. What has influenced the writing of this album?

As far as the music is concerned, our core values are still present, which is writing slow, heavy, melodic and melancholic music. I like to say we are still inspired by the bands that showed us the way in the '90s, like Paradise Lost, Anathema, Katatonia or Type O Negative. Along the way, also a band such as Shape Of Despair inspired a bit but also film scores, shoegaze or dream pop.

Lyrics are about subjects such as the decline of our planet, loneliness, insomnia, guilt, and stuff like that -- basically what is happening around us. So the reality of life inspired us in that department.

Throughout the years of your albums there is always great range and depth of song with varied instruments. Are there any instruments you haven't used yet, but would love to include in a song?

From a personal perspective, I'd like to include some percussive elements. I can totally imagine us using some proper timpani for that ultimate heavy sound.

Who did the artwork for 'The Death Of Gaia'?

When we figured out we wanted something different as artwork on this album and moved away from our earlier art, we got in touch with Chris Smith of Grey Aria Design from the US. We liked what he had done for Solstice from the UK and we really wanted that Art Nouveau-type art. Chris totally delivered what we were after.

Art by Chris Smith/Grey Aria Design

What makes you guys laugh?

We actually laugh a lot. We get along really well and joke around a lot making fun of each other. Other than that we are totally into dark, sarcastic humour. Or stand-up comedians like Steve Hughes of Jim Jefferies. Writers like Bukowski or Brusselmans (a Belgian writer). Ren & Stimpy, Pinky & The Brain, Invader Zim. There's plenty of stuff that makes us laugh.

What has been an awkward moment for Officium Triste?

Probably being too drunk on stage in our early years could be considered as awkward. Other than that, not much. Maybe some awkward moments on behalf of our previous bass player, but I won't get into details on that because it's better to let that rest.

You have a long history of making death doom and are in the same boat as other established bands such as My Dying Bride, Katatonia, Paradise Lost. What is in the future for Officium Triste? Will there be another 25 years?

Well, we take it as it is. Our current label Transcending Obscurity is quite happy with us it seems and has been asking if we want to do another album for them. We are gathering new song ideas as we speak, so you can expect another album in the future. Not sure if we'll last another 25 years, as we will be considered as elderly people by then. As long as we're having fun we keep doing what we like to do.

Who is in the band Officium Triste and what do they do in the band?

Right now it is the founding members Martin Kwakernaak on keyboards. He used to be our drummer, too. Gerard de Jong on lead guitars and I (Pim Blankenstein) on vocals. We have Niels Jordaan on drums, William van Dijk on rhythm guitars and Theo Plaisier on bass.

With the varied sounds in your music do you have several session players to record? Sometimes it sounds like you have a symphony accompanying your music!

Actually, this time around we used some session musicians. We decided to record some real string instruments, as opposed to using the sounds from the keyboard, so we asked Chris Davies to record violins. We knew Chris from Eye Of Solitude where he used to play bass and he played violins with Clouds, in which I am involved, too, in a way. He did a great job. On cello we asked Eliane Anemaat. She is quite known for her work with bands, such as Celestial Season, Mayan or Delain. She also did an outstanding job.

What are some bands from the beginning that have influenced Officium Triste? Who are some current bands that catch your attention?

I more or less mentioned some bands in an earlier answer, but we initially were heavily influenced by Paradise Lost, Anathema, Celestial Season, My Dying Bride, Katatonia, and Type O Negative. But also Metallica, Edge Of Sanity, Dismember or Winter influenced us to some extent. Later on, also bands such as Evoken, Mournful Congregation or Shape Of Despair impressed us. Currently, there's not a lot of bands that caught our attention and actually had an impact on us, but we do like bands that mix things up like what In Solitude, Tribulation, Alcest or Chapel Of Disease are doing, to name just a couple.

Film by Buzau Live Music

Beyond doom and death, what other music styles do you like and listen to?

We listen to quite a lot of varied stuff. Like heavy metal, classic rock, shoegaze, indie rock, new wave, movie scores, retro wave. As long as it is good music we listen to it.

Will you ever tour in the states?

Hopefully. If we ever get a proper invitation and stuff is sorted out, well we definitely would like to come. We are crossing the Atlantic in a couple of months to play a one-off in Mexico.

For me, I have felt positive things from the lyrics and the heavy music amidst the doom. I guess its nice to be able to relate to songs and feel the music with your soul. The balance of heavy and almost symphonic and atmospheric music still blows my mind! Officium Triste is one of very few with clean vocals accompanying death growls I love. Most clean vocals fuck me up.

Cheers for that!

"Burning all Boats and Bridges" is my jam! Fuck it all and starting clean! My life has to take another turn! A fresh start is what I yearn for! Please tell me a little about this song.

Actually, this song is basically the only one where we could use music provided by our previous bass player. But since he fucked things up I have a hard time listening to this particular track. I did write the lyrics, though, and I usually start with a song title. I'm not sure where I got it from, but the lyrics are about having a fresh start and cut all ties with your past. It's not something that happened to any of us personally. But I guess everyone can relate to the subject, so I wrote lyrics about this.

"The End Is Nigh." Do you think this song is relevant to current world events?

That's what inspired it. But to be honest, this world has been a shithole for centuries. So, when I wrote the lyrics I did think about the current state of affairs, as well as stuff from the past. I think everyone can decide for themselves what we talk about, whether it is politics, the environment or overpopulation. It all goes hand in hand, in a way. For the lyrics, I took the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse as a metaphor. And the second song on the album World In Flames continues with the subject.

Pim, thank you very much for your time! It is a pleasure and an honor!

Thank you, Shawn, for the interview. Much appreciated. Hope your readers will check us out if they haven't done so yet.

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[bfilmblues-blog]

Movie Review - The Last Slumber Party

No, this movie isn’t about a large surgeon fighting thunder storms. That would be an awesome movie though.

Pros: One of the most nonsensical twists I have ever seen in a movie which is kind of entertaining.

Cons: Birth of a Nation was less controversial and hateful. The theme song is now burned into my brain and unfortunately the only cure is death. Terrible ending. Terrible acting. Terrible killer. The longest quest for Orange Juice I have ever seen in any form of media.

Let me start by saying that normally as a fan of questionable music taste I can listen to the most horrible of audio treats in the world and still wear a grin on my face. Vaporwave? Bring it on. That bootleg Gaslamp Killer cut? Whatever, sounds good. That rare ICP/DMX beta track that was found in an abandoned grave in small Mexican village? Let's turn it up. Still, out of everything that has poisoned my ears "LETS GO OUT TONIGHT" is by far the worst song I have ever heard in my life. 

I don't say this lightly, who ever made that song is a terrible person but also some kind of autistic savant of audio, some kind of reverse Johann Sebastian Bach who hated both music and people. Not only does this song play every three seconds in the movie, but it also seems to have the ability to drown a ton of the dialog as well which makes it even more aggravating. Nothing shows this more then the very first scene where 99% of the dialog is drowned out in a classroom, which should be the easiest fucking place in the world to capture decent audio. I could go on for pages about how atrociously bad the sound is, but it really is something that one can only experience for themselves. I have watched a ton of low quality movies that has worse recording when it came to the audio, but it was a blessing because those movies often were terrible and not hearing the actors (Or your drunk friends you paid $2 to attempt drama) was normally a good thing. The sad part was, I was actually kind of interested in The Last Slumber Party because I am pretty sure it might be one of the most 80's of all 80's slashers I have ever seen and I was trying to find out what the hell was the deal with all the plot holes and illogical scenes put into this movie.

Well, joke is on me, I watched this like five times now and while I fully understand every line due to a crack team of Chinese secrete police who transcript the movie for me, nothing still makes sense.

The movie starts with three extremely unattractive women and the three counterpart boyfriends they have talking about summer vacation, how much summer is going to rule, and how some nerd in the background named Science rules because he helped them with their biology homework.

The three most beautiful women of Louisiana!

Meet Chris, Tracy, and Linda. Here is a easy chart to describe each character.

Chris:

Red Hair

Hates people with a different sexuality then hers so much she has to comment about it about 50230 times every single day.

Loves to drink all day, wake up at 4:00 AM, then continue drinking.

Might be a meth addict in real life.

Tracy:

Blonde

Extremely boring and stupid.

For some reason needs to bring every phone into the bathroom.

Only has like 5 lines.

Linda:

Nerd.

Has a dad who is a lackluster neurosurgery doctor.

Is holding a sleepover in the ugliest house on earth.

Really wants Man-nerd bad, which is odd because they are going out already. Don't know what that is about.

For the men counterpoints, I can't remember their names but assume each are named Jock, Goof, and Man-Nerd and they all fit the same tables as above.

Class is about to end and summer vacation is right about to start (But they are all like 30?) and the girls talk about the kickin' rad slumber party they are going to have that and if they should invite boys or not. Chris says a party without sex and men is a waste, Linda kind of twiddles her thumbs and agrees while talking about her lust over Man-nerd, and Tracy tries to remember she is in a movie but fails to do so and nibbles on her hair tips while drooling. Everyone cheers when the Bell rings, the conversation continues, and everyone goes home.

Later that night at a hospital entrance, a nurse walks out complaining that no one wants to have sex with her, which is odd considering she looks like the most attractive person in this film. She goes to a bus stop and waits on a bench while some sleepy guy next to her snores. She complains and complains and complains until finally the audience is granted mercy as our killer comes out to change things up. The killer is by far, in the movie, the most lazy of all slasher killers I have ever seen and consists of some random dude wearing scrubs. That's it, he just looks like some random guy at the ER. Anyways, the killer moves a scalpel in front of her face and she dies from this somehow. Sleepy guy, despite hearing her complain nonstop, scream bloody murder, and the struggle does not wake up. He wakes up afterwards and starts complaining that the bus is taking forever. The killer, obviously annoyed at this doofus, kills sleepy guy for a double whammy.

The face of evil. Hygienic evil. Also, that's the director.

We eventually learn the killer is some kind of random guy who had a lobotomy and became evil for no reason. With part of his brain gone, he now runs around town lightly stabbing people and being a jerk at various parties. Other then that, we never get a name, motivation, or any further background on him. Hell, even in the credits they just label him "Maniac" which is the height of laziness. The only snippets we get are when Linda's dad gets various phone calls we can't hear and he can blandly reply with things like "Oh, that maniac escaped? That's too bad." and "I need to find that maniac. I think."

Now, I have seen a bunch of bad actors in my day, but I might have to say the actor playing Linda's father may be near the worst. Every line he has is read with zero emotion. He can't have any facial expression besides minor puzzlement. Also, he sounds like a robot. I'm not joking when I say that all the actors in Birdemic did a better job then this asshole.

We finally get the titular slumber party and uh... well, not much is happening.

...You guys wanna play monopoly or something?

The girls sit around in various moo-moo's and sleep jerseys while looking bored as hell doing nothing. They do have a slight dance at the start, but it's interrupted by Linda's dad who says he has to get Orange Juice, for the girls to behave, the music they are playing sucks and he then leaves the house. After being burned on the music, they sit down and watch TV where a black static image of a news logo tells them that two people were murdered at the bus stop! DUN DUN DUUAAAAA~ - But they don't care because it's not connected to them in anyway and it’s Louisiana, so people get murdered all the time.

Of course, after hearing about the horrific murders, they immediately think of romance and debate on calling "Men-folk". It's at this point in the movie where suddenly every single person has a southern accent. There was no southern accents before, but now they are in full force. Every sentence ends with "Bless ya'll hearts" and "NASCAR RULES!".

Before they can call dem' ol' boys - well, they show up. They knock on the window with dumb Halloween masks and Chris calls them gay homo's for like, a half hour before they leave to go get some beer. This is a reoccurring theme in the movie where Chris will have a discussion with one of the male counterparts and often goes into a diatribe about how they must be gay and love the idea of having men tongue every orifice they own in a hedonistic sodomy session. It's really nonsensical and so out of place, but almost 90% of her script reads like bizarre homoerotic sex fantasy the director must keep hidden.

Welcome to beautiful Louisiana!

At the gas station, the guys drink in the parking lot when Linda's dad shows up still on his holy quest for Orange Juice. They talk back and forth when Linda's dad is like "Welpp... shit, prob - no Orange juice at this gas station, I better check my work. By work, I mean, the hospital." and just leaves the set. Science, the nerd from the first scene shows up. The guys throw a beer at Science and tell him to party hard, because it's summer! Science looks slightly miffed at this friendly jest and leaves. The guys then describe in great detail who is going to have sex with who, how much summer vacation rules and about how much fun it is to drink beer. All in all, seems like normal high school talk, except you know, that they all look 30-ish.

Back at the slumber party, the girls debate still for another five fucking hours if they should call the boys. Uh - They already said they were coming back. Calm down, ladies. After talking about boys, calling boys, and if smoking pot is cool (They come to conclusion it's not while continuing to pound shots) they finally decide it's time for bed. While they are heading upstairs, one of the boys somehow ends up at the house before the rest of them, had a ladder placed against the bedroom window, and climbs up and enters the room just as the ladies enter it. They pull him inside and after an absurdly awkward conversation between Chris and him involving homosexuality, Chris pushes the girls out the room and explains she wants to get busy. Before that, though, she has to shower. Uh - Ok. She tells him to lay on the bed and in the connecting bathroom, she showers for what seems like four hours - during that time, Science comes into the bedroom and kills Jock-kid who was laying there waiting for some muskrat love. After killing him, he puts his body in the closet.

Huh.

Now you are thinking - Why would Science kill this guy? Is Science the main killer now? The answer to both of those questions are I don't know, and no. For some reason, that light joke about being more upbeat about summer vacation really set off Science, so now he has a blood lust. Whatever. They never explain or show why Science would kill the people who liked him or why he would kill them, but also do their homework for them too, but uh - arughh - my brain.

Chris comes out and in frustration that another man would accept death rather then have relations with her screams to the heavens calling Jock-man a fag and queerbait nonstop over and over before finally getting exhausted from her rant and heading back downstairs with the other girls. Science hides in the corner of the room during all this and is able to not be found. Once again, I’m not sure why Science is there or why he is filled with murderous rage, but hey, that’s horror for you.

Like poetry, Tracy finds goof kid, they go upstairs to have sex and goof kid asks if she has any drugs. Unsure if she does have drugs, Tracy goes into the bathroom to search for some while Science murders the hell out of this loser and chucks his body out the window. During this time, the real killer comes in from the ladder and watches Science doing his stuff while nodding in approval.

Just so you know, there is now two killers in this room, both have not communicated with each other and both are easily hiding in different places in the room. Only the real killer knows Science is in there. While Science does his normal hide in the closet, real killer decides he is a under the bed guy.

Tracy leaves the bedroom, calls goof kid a homo a couple of times because of his disappearance, then screams because she finds a knife the floor. All the girls meet up in the room and discuss where the knife could have came from. After a slight bickering session, they decide it's all a prank from the guys and all cuddle in bed together to go to sleep. In the same room. With the two killers. Oddly enough, the killers leave them be and continue hiding. Seriously. They sleep for like five hours and no one disturbs them. Pretty polite killers, really.

You know a film is bad when even the dude who likes FIRSTRYKE says it's bad.

Chris has a dream where she wanders around a house for like twenty minutes doing nothing while terrible synth music plays. Finally, after the most boring dream of all time, she gets stabbed by various people and wakes up. All the girls are fine, everyone is still asleep. Also, the killers might be asleep too, who knows? Anyways, Chris gets up and decides it's time to start drinking. Hitting the liquor cabinet that isn't hers, she picks up the phone right when it rings (Rude) and gets some heavy breathing. Freaked out, she runs upstairs and tells the other girls about the dreadful phone call. They both could care less. Speaking of phone calls, the conversation then cuts to them debating if they should call the boys again for the 100th time. It’s like, 5:00 AM. Jeez, calm down ladies.

Chris is like "Whatever, I'm drinking" and Linda goes with her. Tracy continues to sleep in bed where she is almost murdered by Science in her sleep, but Science is dispatched by our main killer and is thrown out the window. Haha, that's what you get for not enjoying summer vacation, NERD! Main killer then kills Tracy, stabs Linda off screen, and sits around the bedroom doing nothing. Chris continues to drink when Linda's mom gets a call waking her up from dad saying he is still getting orange juice and will be back home soon. Dude? It's been like 10 hours. This causes Linda's mom to get up and tell Chris to shut the gate outside for some reason. Chris goes outside and see's the guys car, confused why there would be a car but no boys to call gay, she goes into detective mode.

And here is where the movie hits a climax. By climax, I mean the most absurd and slow ending ever put into a horror film. Chris walks around the house looking at nothing forever. There was less walking and looking in Homeward Bound. Honestly, it’s just like ten minutes of her walking around a house inspecting various things while the killer always hides somewhat in random frames and looking as goofy as possible. After the longest walking scene in any film ever created, Chris discovers the phone lines have been cut and Tracy is dead upstairs. Chris, by far, has the best reaction to this I have ever seen as she goes “Eh” and just walks out of the the room.

Jeepers Creepers,  Fuck. Oh well, time to drink.

Now, I know it’s Louisiana and I assume it must be pretty normal there to see your best friend murdered by some kind of random violence, but it may just be a bit of bad acting when you have no emotional reaction whatsoever to seeing a corpse in a bed. Like, I get it, acting is hard or whatever, but come on, lady. Chris wanders around till she gets back downstairs and Linda's mom bumps into her. She is like “Oh, uh - I’m dead.” and just falls over holding her throat. We are supposed to assume she was stabbed and wandering around in a panic, but instead she looks kind of bored and lazily falls onto a sofa. Neat.

Linda then also taps Chris on the shoulder and says “Get help.” before also falling on the floor dead from an invisible stab wound. Why, this slumber party is terrible... in fact, I hope it’s The Last Slumber Party! Once again, despite seeing two people she knows die, Chris has no reaction whatsoever and proceeds to walk around the house some more, because twenty minutes of that wasn’t enough. Armed with a large knife, she walks and walks and walks and walks an - Whoops, in a moment of awkwardness, Chris believes she notices the killer and lunges her knife at a figure around a corner and it’s the last doppelganger boyfriend. He dies instantly and yet again Chris has no reaction to this, but instead is just like “Meh.” while leaving the knife inside of him and walking off. 

 Finally, Chris meets the killer. Who will win? They both almost have similar body counts and only one may survive. Truly, this will be an epic battle of survival as - Oh, Chris just stabs him once and he dies. Well, shoot, that was easy. After a full night of binge drinking and murder, Chris passes out next to the killer in the kitchen. Huh... so fifty minutes of walking and a 10 second battle between the killer and the final survivor? Now that is some good film making.

Finally, dad comes home and HEY - He still forgot the Orange Juice! What the hell has this idiot been doing for eleven hours? He goes inside his home and looks at everything all broke/smashed up and his phone lines cut. He rolls his eyes, goes to the fridge and drinks a tall glass of orange ju - Ugh. I just - Come on, director. After his beverage, he continues to look around, still continues to look around, and finally is like “Meh, I should go to work” and drives to work, where upon reaching work he rides the elevator up to his office where he is killed by the killer. How did the killer get up there? Who knows. Anyways, Chris wakes up in the house, steps outside towards the pool, and that Killer must have the fastest running legs on earth because he is now back at the house and attempts to kill her in the pool. Alas, with a big fuck you to the audience, Chris suddenly wakes up and it was all a dream.

Now, “It was a dream” endings are always terrible, but this one somehow continues the stride of doing things on a legendary bad scale decides not only was that not enough, but to keep pushing and somehow get the most dumb ending of all time. Chris wakes up, calls her friends and asks if they are still doing the slumber party. Blah blah blah - Chris goes to her Linda's house and the killer sneaks in, it’s like some eternal loop of bad plot holes and confusion. Scream, credits.

You can watch the whole movie on Youtube, I believe. Check it out and let me know what you think. I would normally write a conclusion, but I just can’t for movie. It’s abysmally bad but at the same time unlike most b-films it is not entertaining either. It’s some weird void of garbage that never brought joy or happiness to anyone or anything.